It's a dime a dazzle, manita -- don't take this joker's ring;
It's not an optical illusion -- it just seems that way

By Woncha Telmé Moore

He'll sweep you off your patooties if you meet him before you have chanced to trip across his cola. Don't go there. Do not be taken by his glib pronouncements of need-ya/love-ya. He's had so many rehearsals for the trip to the altar that you don't need to be the one to finally get him there. Of course he knows how to pronounce Stephanotis. He has a file on his computer called "Vows." His father has bought three tuxedoes over the last decade.
Love is in the air all around the educational end of Houston Street. Why, it's almost magnetic!
Two hearts that doubted now beg to believe. Aching in silence, each whispers a plea. Secrets of longing kept buried away. Sadly their calling grows weaker each day. Yeah, right.
Honis & Chulis, that's what this law firm ought to be called. This striking pair has a way with juries and jurists. So credible, so cute.
Great example for the youth of our village, that coterie of bar hopping maestras who smoke and close down the house.
Did you get a load of those checkered pants? I didn't know Purina Mills manufactured fine women's clothing.
Those richazas think their cat fights are a well-kept dirty little secret, but manita, we overheard one showdown in the washroom of the club house that almost came to blows. Boy, were they busted when we exited our respective cubicles, having held our collective breaths until the fury had passed. There ought to be a law against the older woman's mouth (the aggrieved party). We were scairt, but my comadre was all cool, sashaying to the sink with, "Wish it would rain." We might have saved someone's life at the moment, but the anger was probably transferred later to a man with more women than he knows what to do with.
Frosted pumpkin. This decorator has had it with her moody client who keeps changing his mind and micro-managing the interior appointments of the finished office space. Civility has given way to icy responses, and the check is how-you-say in the mail.
Cher & Cher alike. We heard she was in town much sooner than her Entertainment Center engagement. Smatterfact, it was a recent birthday party downtown, that's right, downtown. All the right personajes were present from oh-so-clever a cross-dressing, I mean, cross-section of Larry Denses.
It's not an optical illusion -- it just seems that way. And speaking of sharing, or chairing, as some manitas are wont to pronounce it, did you pick up on who really had eyes for whom at this gala? Is it obvious or what that these two married the wrong pipple?
Hack, hack, baby. The smokes and teeth the color of concrete are not a drawing card in your little circle of playmates.
Called your bluff, baby. It's not what you expected. You wanted to hurt her, which you did, but you always thought you'd come back together in the usual fashion, and when you didn't, it caught you by surprise. What's terribly, terribly sad, besides the fact that both of you move through your lives in hollow, abject misery, is that you probably could have worked it out.