Webb County commiserators de-commission plan to bring Indios Voladores
to make it rain in Webb County; court opts for negative ion proposal

By Kay Wavos

The news that Webb County and Zapata County were about to enter an agreement with Los Indios Voladores of Papantla, Veracruz to make it rain in South Texas and Northern Mexico has hit the skids. Sources in Webb County government who wished not to be named, and that could be 1,300 people, said, "'Member when it wouldn't stop raining at Hemisfair in '67? Well, the Voladores had just performed. It rained and rained and rained, and then Hurricane Beulah kicked up her heels y llovió más todavía. I think those Voladores can make it rain."
The Webb County Commiserators are entertaining (very lively) a rainmaking proposition from Pies-N-Skies Technologies, Inc., and are foregoing the idea of contracting with the Indios Voladores.
"Es más," said Commiserator Ovidio Pagamepronto, "¿Qué hay pa' mi? A jar of vanilla, a straw hat with real antlers coming out if it, a couple of sarapes and some turtle shell wind chimes? Do the math. Indian tokens or big bajo la mesa bucks?" I had caught up with Pagamepronto in the parking lot of the old courthouse. "Hey, who's that guy hanging around my carrazo in the black jacket with yellow letters? Why's he putting yellow tape all around my car?"
"We weighed the credibility, and of course the liability, of four beautifully costumed Indians soaring from a pole versus men in suits trying to sell us technology that was way over the ability-to-process- science-threshold of the minds of some of the Commiserators, if they even have that ability," said Chief of Staff Rule Hasmecaso, dispelling the stray question whether or not the title "Chief" had constituted a conflict of interest in who would ultimately be hired to make it rain, Indians or techies. "You know how it works," Hasmecaso said. "When in doubt, they vote for what sounds smarter even if they don't understand it," he continued, adding, "That's how we got here."
"Of course, we enjoyed the performances of each group as they showed us their proposals," Hasmecaso said. "The visit of the Indios Voladores in February dovetailed nicely with some of the WBCA festivities that were underway. All is not lost for the Indios for they are coming back to help with costumes for the Pocahontas Pageant and I think they might joint venture in consultation with debutante groups for a new event in the celebration, the Debutontas Voladoras. Of course, given the weight of the deb costumes, hemp ropes will be replaced with thick steel cable such as is used for suspension bridges," he said.
"And speaking of bridges, since Mr. Joe Despuez was not named road and bridge commissioner, I am naming him, I mean, I am asking the Webb County commiserators in my most humble and persuasively charming if not whining and foot-stamping tantrumish with scattered expletives way to consider him for the position of Superintendent of Rain and Charcos," said Webb County Judge Luí Brawny (the quicker picker upper, as he is getting to be known.)
"If you can make it rain, you can be king. People can call you M'Lord," said Judge Brawny, "Or King Luí. If you can make it rain, people can really, really like you and invite you to the best parties, and I don't mean smoky pachangas either. Oh, the Chafer Light I had to drink to get elected! I'm still trying to shed those pounds."
"My money was on the Indios Voladores and the joint venture with Zapata County," said Commisserator Gaspar "Pronto" Dimetodo.
"I would have liked to have read a good deal more about Pies-N-Skies Technologies and particularly about their success rate," said Commissioner Yooty Gooty, adding, "And also about how they move their equipment about."
"Is this a smart thing to do? I'd like a little more time to get behind the idea of harnessing negative ions," commented Commisserator Melo Vasapagar, who interrupted our interview to take a call. "I can barely hear you. You sound like you are in a roadhouse!" he shouted into his cell phone. "But I don't want to trade my vote for the international bridge for the tax attorneys. We don't have a Rain and Charco Department! OK, we're going to get one. Someone is following you with a video cam? Well, it's not Ms. Wavos. She is in my office reading everything on my desk upside down. I'll call you back. Use the code? Let it ring twice, hang up. Call back, let it ring twice again. Then call on the private private line? Why don't I just come up to your office? Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me? Twice on the pipe if you ain't gonna show?"
"For those of us who live with drought and try to outsmart the dry spell by wearing dessicated hummingbird tokens 'round our necks and hanging dead rattlers over the top strand of barbed wire fences, we'll believe anyone who says they can make it rain, including the Webb County commiserators," said rancher Willeh Spinazo.
So there you have it -- you decide. Are the Webb County Commiserators all wet, or are they onto something thinking they can selectively make it rain with negative ion condensation?