Dear Cholulah,

I wanted to send this to someone smart at your newspaper. I hope that is you. I'm new to Laredo and I am sending this upon the advice of a friend who said, "Cholulah Bankhead doesn't have a hairy tongue." Well, that loses something in the translation, but you know what I mean. You seemed the least likely to tell me lies, so I'm asking:
Of all the excellent films out there in the ether of worldwide cinema production and Golden Globe accolades, how do you suppose the two movie houses in Laredo and the video stores go about deciding what films they will offer Laredoans?

Max Beta

Dear Max:

You are new to the area, probably still stopping at stop signs, still using the turn signal, still keeping your litter in your own car, still befuddled that Pocahontas and George Washington had anything at all in common, still shocked that lazy, able-bodied Laredoans park in the handicapped zone at the local gro, and still shocked that an educator who had a porno film delivered to his office could be the superintendent of not one but both school districts in Laredo.
To answer your query, I understand that the managers of both cinema companies and the video store managers rely on the average TAAS (now TAKS) scores of the region (minus a few points for all school district administrators do to pump up the dismal numbers) and then match film offerings to the intelligence indicators for critical thinking. You know how it's done, Max, and you know that's why raunchy action thrillers and children's movies can occupy two or three screens for two or three weeks.
Pero sabes que, Max, they used to rely on the mean IQ averages of school boards and commissioners court. So it's better that the movie choices come to us this way or than say if one of the superintendents chose the cinema lineup for Laredo from personal preferences. Boy, howdy, the truth hurts, but thanks for the question. Call on me again if I may be of service in answering things quixotic about life on the borderlands.

Cholulah

Up, up, and a büey, my beautiful hot hair balloon. Soy tu nemesis solamente porqué quieres, solamente porque te gusta oír tu voz qué resuena de coraje. Buddy Boy, qué qué dices qué you were going to get me for writing what I did but a higher authority advised you qué mejor no? Buddy Boy, te faltaba poco para el indictment y el juzgado por el robo del gobierno.
Manita, if there's a big Lincoln on your rear bumper and the driver jumps out at a red light, aguila con las peinetas -- this ruca chuca (my soda cracker does your mama chaw tobacca) has something special for you.
This educator needs asylum, and I don't mean political asylum! They're seeing red at her campus. Bring on the soy powder, bring on the estro-genio moderators, but don't bring the ruca chuca to this campus.
I applied for the job of LISD Administrative Assistant to the Superintendent for Shuffling the Old Administrative Assistants to their new offices because the superintendent needs their old offices to accommodate his new hires who are old friends, camarada from his old school district. Pero manita, tienes que tener el commerical license para jalar los Bobtail trucks on weekends. Oye tú, that stealth move of an adminstrator so early one Sunday morning -- was she apprised or did they just move her stuff and advise her Monday morning? They had her and her lifetime service mementos and educator awards moved before the barbacoa was ready at Raul's.