Websterball: A usually indoor court game between two teams of usually five players each who score by tossing an inflated ball through a raised goal.
NBA Proball: An indoor court game between two teams of five multi-millionaire usually tatooed prima donnas each that run, jump, elbow, slug, trash talk, and otherwise struggle violently to put an inflated ball through a metal hoop.
Basketball: Neither of the above.
Michael Jordan has not played one minute of basketball since his last high school game.
Allen Iverson's college coach was in such awe of Allen's sleight of torso and hand-eye coordination that all he could think of was the prospect of a fat bank account and early retirement when he tipped off the Proball scouts about his wizard of the court. Basketball star? Naw! Entertainer par excellance? Yep!
Kobe Bryant is a former baseball great. Basketball star? Uh-uh!
These triple-jointed sports attractions can best be described as NBA Proball stars. Basketball players they are not.
I challenge any NBA Proball fan to cite the last double-dribble infraction called at an NBA game. If palming the ball, a definite infraction of basketball rules, had ever been enforced, Michael Jordan would be smoking El Ropo cigars and caddying at the golf course.
Iverson, Bryant, Robinson, Duncan, Sprewell, among many other "Proballers," would be common working grunts, like most of us, if the refs had ever dared to call a walking violation.
Shaq would have a rope strung across his back pulling a semi tractor or 747 and running the 50-yard dash carrying a 250 lb. steel ball in a foot race against Ollie Smorgasborg, alias the Nordic Shrek in TV's "The Schtrongest Man in zuh Whole Vorld."
The day NBA Proball refs enforce the traditional rules of basketball and evict players, as they should be, for acts of real on-court violence, the minimum number of players per team will be reduced to one center and a point guard. Who knows, the NBA might even resort to playing basketball.

(Please send your insurance questions to Henri D. Kahn, c/o LareDOS, 1812 Houston St. 78040; fax 791-4737; or e-mail laredos@icsi.net.)