A letter meant for Neal Pollack
ended up in our mailbox

Neal Pollack is one of the greatest writers of all times. He has single-handedly changed the face of American Literature several times over.
His works appear in such disparate places as McSweeney's, the New York Times, and the web. For more information on Neal Pollack visit www.nealpollack.com or read one of his books or one of the many, many columns he has written.
This letter was inadvertently sent to LareDOS rather than to Mr. Pollack. We don't normally print letters intended for the eyes of another, but we found this one compelling.

Dear Mr. Pollack,

I would like to invite you to visit South Texas. I think you would find our food fattening and delicious. The climate is almost always HOT! as are the women.
I have admired your work for at least one month, when I was first exposed to your collection of writing that has changed American Literature forever. I was also intrigued by your review of "No More Prisons." We are in the midst of a crisis for our small community of Encinal: Basically some out-of-town Music (76 Trombones) Men have sold the idea that poor people can get good paying jobs for keeping other poor people locked up. Frankly, I do not understand how this will work and our elected officials refuse to explain it to us, except in really simple ways like: the US Marshals will pay the county hard cash for every prisoner they send to us at their own whim. The county will put the money in a trust. The trust will distribute the money from bonds (more explanation below) including repayment of the 10-12% interest bonds, commissions, and payments to the hardworking lawyers, underwriters, and consultants who made this deal happen, and payments to the private prison operators, some fellas who want to make money from Louisiana (a state known for their high jail standards, I think.) To make sure they are happy, the prison operators get money before the prison even opens.
The money in the trust comes from some bonds that a non-profit corporation issued. The non-profit organization is made up of the county commissioners and the county judge. The lawyers from one of the biggest law firms in the world tell us that the non-profit is different than the county and because the non-profit (not the county, even though the membership is exactly the same) issued the bonds, the county will never, ever have to repay them, because they are revenue bonds. The revenue will come from the US Marshals. As I understand it, this means that the US Marshals are going to pay the county way more than $21.8 million (the amount borrowed through the bonds) over the next two decades. I'm not sure the US Marshals know that the county is expecting them to foot the bill for high-interest bonds, private companies from Louisiana, and well-paid professional underwriters and lawyers. If the US Marshals or some Wall Street folks gave me close to $22 million to invest in my community, I'd pave the streets, build a middle school, and open a community center. Oh yeah, I'd figure out a way to create some jobs, too.
Unfortunately, the US Marshals, I have learned, only do business with governmental bodies, not quasi-governmental bodies or individuals, like me. But the county wants the prison real bad. The non-profit is gonna own the prison initially, so the county has entered into a lease agreement with option to purchase the proposed prison from the non-profit. At the end of the 20-some-odd years, the county will actually own the then-aging prison, without having paid a penny of county taxpayer money for it. This was easily accomplished since the Judge signs documents on behalf of the county and he can sign documents on behalf of the non-profit which he heads. Of course, he has to have approval from the county commissioners, since they are the county and they are the non-profit. He does not need approval from the taxpayers because these are revenue bonds. (The US Marshals are gonna provide the revenue: see preceding paragraph.)
Simple.
Of course, the people here say they want to work at the prison and who can blame them for wanting employment at a nearby location and health insurance.
In addition to the media storm that may continue to surround the Encinal detention facility (which is not actually even going to be located in Encinal, but about a mile down the road), my beautiful girlfriend, a well-educated woman of letters, intends to teach your writing next semester in her senior-level English literature class at Texas A&M International University in Laredo, Texas. (In real terms: This means up to 20 students may purchase your book and CD.) I am certain, the University literati would fawn over you, if you would only bless us with your presence.

Sincerely,
( and with hope that I may meet you, in person, and that you are at least half as sociable as you are arrogant, I mean intelligent)

Ciro Juzgado
Ranchito Sin Poqui.